The Holistic Guide to Bereavement
My 6 Steps to Support you Along your Path of Bereavement
Hello!
My name is Suzie Webb and I help people through their grieving process.
The modern approach to grief and trauma is often an allopathic medicine/pharmaceutical approach – sleeping tablets, anti-depressants, appointments with a counsellor - and whilst this approach has helped many people - there is a more gentle, holistic, and safer way to approach the depth and complexity of the emotions of grief and trauma - an holistic approach.
Grief is an inevitable, inescapable part of life. We will all lose someone we love at some time in our life – and for some of us many times – and the loss can often hit us harder than we expect. This holistic guide to bereavement is not about getting over a loss - it’s about learning how to live with a loss. There is
no rule book - no time frame - no judgement
Grief is as individual as your fingerprints and it is important to do whatever is right for you. Whilst we cannot stop the energy of grief from its movement we can learn how to be with it and allow it to transform into a bigger kind of energy – the kind of energy that is productive and meaningful rather than destructive and absent of meaning.
Listen to Your Heart
My first recommendation to you would be to sit down quietly and listen to your body - especially your heart.
There may be a dozen people advising/telling you want to do. In their own way they are trying to help you and make things easier for you but you may end up with agreeing to arrangements that you are not happy with.
Listening to your heart and making your own decisions is important – no matter how long it takes you to decide.
In my my video, within the Freedom after Bereavement Community on my website, I explain a system you can use to help you make difficult and challenging decisions.
Write a Journal
Write your memories in a beautiful journal – as writing can be extremely therapeutic and healing. This was one of the first things I did when my husband passed (December 2018) and I still write in that journal to this day- and frequently read those first entries as it helps me immensely. I started writing the journal as some of the memories that were surfacing I had forgotten - but as the memories started flooding in I made a note of them. As the months went on, I started adding memories of my dad and my nephew - so now it has become my 'memory journal' of people close to me who have now passed.
If your loved one died suddenly, there might be unsaid words that you are holding onto. Why not put them down onto a piece of paper and if there are children why not suggest they write a goodbye letter. Once you or they have written the message, it can either be kept in a special place or symbolically sent up to your deceased loved one attached to a balloon - this can be very special for children.
Painting or drawing can be very therapeutic too - especially for young children. Encourage children of any age to draw or paint their messages, emotions and feelings. Some people like to burn the letters and pictures and scatter the ashes in a special place - but only do this out of the sight of children in case they imitate you when you are not around.
Some people turn their letter or painting into little sailing boats and let them sail away - also therapeutic and healing for young children. Do what feels right for you. This is your healing process and there is no right or wrong way.
Food
Eating can go two ways when you are overwhelmed with emotions.
Either you have no appetite and can’t or don’t want to eat or you always feel the need for food so you eat but then, once you start, you can’t stop. This may become a challenging area to get under control when you are already emotionally unstable.
Best advice here is not to eat alone. Sharing a meal with a family member or a friend or neighbour will take the sting out of eating alone and may help control the amount of food you eat too.
There will be conversation which will also make the mealtime more bearable. In a family situation the recommendations are the same – keep to the usual routine and talk about the person who has passed on. The most important thing though is to eat!
Sleep
Getting enough quality sleep is important on many levels. We heal while we sleep and an aromatherapy oil diffuser by the bed can not only enhance the quality of the air in your bedroom but also support sound sleep.
There are some exceptionally good blends that encourage sleep and one that I highly recommended is a blend of Ruta, Valarian and Lavender – called RutaVaLa.
Your circadian cycle is vital for good health so I recommend that you continue with your usual sleeping pattern - going to bed and getting up at your usual times -even at weekends - no matter how difficult this may seem.
If it is a partner who has died - you may too emotionally upset to want to sleep in the marital bed - I know I was :-(
If there is somewhere else you can sleep in your home - a spare room or a sofa, try that for a few nights - you will know when it is time to return - follow your instincts.
Essential Oils
I have used essential oils for over 30 years and they are effective for those struggling with grief and trauma – as they will guide you back into balance.
There are oils for grounding, stimulating, providing a sense of comfort & safety, and oils for creating a welcoming and tranquil environment and others that help you relax into sleep and oils that support your immune system when you are at your most vulnerable.
Synthetic essential oils will do more harm than good – only pure essential oils carry with them the high frequencies & vibrations of energy that will support your healing – synthetic oils are just that, synthetic, with no frequency or vibration.
Exercise
As with eating, this can go two ways. Either it be the last thing on your mind or you totally overdo it to the point of obsession.
A gentle walk in the fresh air can improve your appetite and help you sleep. As you walk focus on your breathing as this often helps with difficult emotions.
Serious exercise can be put on a back burner for a few months, but moving is important – a gentle walk around the park or anywhere quiet, or just around the block – but fresh air and movement support your body on a deep level. If the walk can be in sunshine, so much the better. The absorption of Vitamin D through your skin will support your immune system. If you simply cannot leave the house in the early days, then open the windows, and walk around your home - stand by the window and breath deeply.
Aroma Freedom Technique
The Aroma Freedom Technique is a technique developed by Dr Benjamin Perkus, a clinical phychologist, and is a step by step process for identifying and releasing negative thoughts, feelings and memories and helps your energy flow in a positive direction towards growth and safety and away from fear and doubt.
The simple technique uses Young Living essential oils because of their purity, and therefore their high vibration and frequency. During the step by step process the Memory Release Blend is used to focus on upsetting feelings or memories and takes the emotional depth out of that memory. There are six different processes and as an Aroma Freedom Technique practitioner I choose the right one for you during a private session. I also offer a package of 3 group sessions, an Aroma Freedom Reset booklet and a sample of the Memory Release Blend for £5 to help you feeling better immediately.
If you feel really knocked off your feet or are struggling for a prolonged period of time, that may be a sign that you need some 1:1 help to move forward in releasing some upsetting memories, or feelings of guilt or deep seated sadness. AFT is particularly good for those who are experiencing flashbacks or struggling to get an upsetting image out of your head. The 3 group sessions, sample blend and booklet is a great introduction to AFT.
Freedom After Bereavement If you would like to join my FAB Members Group - or want more information
My Blog Posts on Bereavement
