In our ‘information overload’ world of social media and the internet, I was surprised at how little there was out there when I was looking for support groups, pod casts and other areas of support after bereavement.
Any other topic and you are overwhelmed with articles, blog posts, books, groups, forums, but with ‘bereavement’ there was very little and this surprised me - and was one of the reasons I set up the FAB group (Freedom after Bereavement).
The group is still in its early days of development – as I am still working out the details of how to support group members but with keeping our personal stories personal.
The person (or people) we have lost are indelible to us – which means that they are not able to be forgotten by us – ever. For the people around us however, our losses are not indelible to them, which is why it’s easy for them to say, ‘isn’t it time to move on?’. I don’t know about you, but I find this phrase so insensitive and unkind.
I found the definitions of bereavement and grief interesting. While the terms are often used interchangeably, bereavement refers to the state of loss and grief is the reaction to that loss. The grief associated with death is all too familiar to many people, but an individual can grieve about a variety of losses throughout their lives in addition to death - such as unemployment, ill health, or the end of a relationship.
So if grief is the response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone to whom there was a close bond, then we are not only talking about emotional responses but also physical, cognitive, behavioural, social, cultural, spiritual and philosophical dimensions.
How complex is all this! But we can choose to make it easier! We are who we are today because of the people we lost. They made us who we are, without them in our lives, we would be different people – we wouldn’t be ‘us’. Our loved ones are now in a different dimension. We are still in this dimension – our world is still spinning around its axis and we aren’t done with it yet – our time will come when we too are in that different dimension and we will all be reunited.
We are a multitasking race – we are able to grieve and at the same time still live happy lives – our lost ones would definitely want that. We don’t need to ‘move on’ from our grief, our grief will always be with us, just like the happiest of our memories – but we can move forward – with our lost ones still close to us.
Please join me for complementary sessions of Aroma Freedom Technique – these are on 9.30am (London time) Monday mornings – via a zoom call. (You can enter the room at 9.15). There are different techniques to the Aroma Freedom but for Monday mornings I will lead you through either an Aroma Boost or The Memory Release Technique. Sometimes starting with an intention or goal for the day and ending with an affirmation, and sometimes starting with a memory that needs softening so the feelings attached to it aren’t so debilitating. For example, The Memory Resolution Technique is used when you have a memory that has been bothering you and you can't seem to feel better about it. This process incorporates the power of aroma (essential oils), along with specific focusing instructions on the stressful memory to support a gentle and profound re-evaluation of the memory. People find the experience is very soothing, even when the memories they are processing are painful.
The technique works equally well for those whose memories are not as stressful but nonetheless disturbing and disruptive.
With love and light - Suzie Webb